husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

My comment is intended to apply to any combination of genders.). I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. Think of it this way if you give in on this to avoid conflict, what will be next? ^ +1000, this was the most mind-boggling to me as well. OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Dont get hit by a stray printer that someone threw out a window in a rage while you have a cuppa with a buddy outside! His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Rape! We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. Sorry about the side note. I think if OPs husband was acting reasonably, this would be a good solution. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. 1. But its a good idea to add in. You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. Tell him to get over himself. Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas Ive actually been there and I agree its overplayed and that corporate concerns are more about flights and conference rooms but its weird to act like youve never heard this stereotype. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. Ive been to Vegas. I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. It was BAD. Vegas does business trips right. Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. I really wish people would take the time to think beyond their first assumption in issues like this. Id dump him. Im talking a hotel on Wall Street, just a block or two from the NYSE, and one literally around the corner from the White House. This is a bigger picture problem, and I hope you are able to work it out. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. I trust my wife but I dont trust a lot of strange people. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. Go on the trip. I actually took my husband with me once and he went off on his own while I worked all day. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. This is great, Anon Poster. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. (And hes questioning the motives of the company in having the trip in the first place? Two birds one stone! Absolutely. Unlikely if its not part of her character, but certainly more possible than in Eerie, Pennsylvania. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Clearly youve been abducted. When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? I suspect that he says that because he can frame it as Im only concerned for YOUR safety, rather than When you go to Las Vegas, I feel like I am not in control of you, and that makes me unhappy. I bet he doesnt even really think you will cheatits about knowing that you COULD and he wouldnt see and couldnt do anything about it. Nevada decriminalized prostitution at the state level and left it to the counties. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. Roppongi it is! My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. And here's what we think . In Amish country. Like, people bring their own experiences to the table here, so might feel invalidated or defensive when its suggested its the other explanation. We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. Im really not interested in goingI dont gamble, I dont care for tourist attractions, etc. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. Some of the really big conventions and annual conferences only have a few places to choose from. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. There doesnt seem to be a whole lot of recognition of either here. At least thats what happens to *me* at conferences whether theyre in Kansas City or Honoluhu. So when my sister and her then-boyfriend said they were taking a trip there, my first thought was that they shouldnt go because tourists are always killed horribly in Vegas (or are sometimes raped or kidnapped). (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). Are we sure that survey actually happened? Blergh. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. We felt safe walking around at 2AM. Business trips for him are salt in a wound, Im guessing. Maybe OP married him? My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! Exactly this. This doesnt excuse the behavior either way, but I think could be something to specifically discuss with him in addition to the other suggestions people have here. One of the most important things I learned in therapy is that even though my feelings are real, they are not reasonable and not helpful, so its not appropriate to expect others to change their behavior to accommodate them. He was worried about me, because I was over worked and only had about 4 hours of sleep per night. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? A year? You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. my husband has his guy trip (fishing) this year i took a weekend with my mom. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). My own brain is like that. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know. ), I also watched CSI for a lot of years, and on one of my trips to Vegas I stayed off-strip in a cheap hotel because I was trying to save money. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. I got friend walks with doggo once a week to give myself what I needed while respecting that my husband didn't " I don't want to travel the world with you to film weddings and turn ever work trip . My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. You could talk tohim about why hedoesnt want you there and see ifthere are any issues that need toberesolved outside ofavacation setting, oryou could simply ask him ifhed like you togowith him next time. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. I cordially dislike Vegas. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. Likewise, but I was in Hyattsville, Md. But this type of situation cant stay like this, so dont jeopardize the ability to support yourself when things get worse. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. I asked three people: Me, myself, and I. There is an incredible amount of stuff to do and fun to be had in Vegas without doing a single sinful thing, even if you WERE there for just a vacation and not a work trip. I had an ex tell me, just after I left him, that hed checked with his friends and they all agreed with him that I was behaving irrationally and crazily about everything I was upset about and had said was wrong with the relationship. Just recently I have found out I will be sent out again. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. You know, because men never get kidnapped or roofied. The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? Wouldnt that bother you?. I used to travel 3 weeks out of the month from Wed-Sun for work and often traveled by myself to large cities as well as smaller locations and never felt unsafe. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. (Not the same thing, but my wife had continuing education there and brought me. But yeah, were both supportive of the other taking trips. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. Mom freaked out, but fortunately for me, my Dad was there to help and reassure her AND wed had enough family counseling after my teenage years that I knew how to set boundaries. his friends wouldnt let their wives go. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. I didnt have to take many work trips, being a teacher, but I did occasionally go to educational seminars. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Nah this isnt about irrational fears on his part, its about control. going together would send the message that its an us issue. thats the strangest technique Ive ever heard of to try and get back together with someone. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! In no way am I saying if he does have anxiety its totally okay for him to be a controlling ass not at all. Its just as likely that hes just jealous and controlling, like every other sap who clamps down on his partners autonomy. But it wont be easy. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. Yeah. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. Dont! I dont worry about it because why would i? Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. ), but she saw danger everywhere. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. We specifically took any kind of obey language out of our vows. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. And Id highly recommend that book to the OP, so she can try to tease out for herself whether shes just got an insecure, underemployed husband, or one whos using jealousy as a control mechanism, at least in part so that he may remain comfortably underemployed. There are so many things that could be gong on here. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. That said, Id say go on the trip, because I dont think you should pander to his lack of trust in you. Thats the issue here. Yet he says he would not even go without me. I absolutely dread this. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. I didnt sign up for this. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. I actually disagree. He can be kind of inflexible about certain things so the fact that this is 180 degrees from where it was should give you hope. Yes, marriage counselling. OP, we can all surmise the reasons for his behavior as much as we want to, but this sounds like something you and your husband should work out together in counseling (or separately in counseling, if that appeals more to him.) There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. Answer (1 of 25): There could be a few reasons why a husband may not want to go out with his wife. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. There are people whose mind translates any answer all, from Hmm okayhow bout that Topic Changers vs. Distractors game? to NONONONONO! The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. Forbidding is a different story). I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. Your level of trust in him. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. Dont defend yourself and dont attack him. Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. Do you want to go? I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. The big hotels are super experienced and the conference ran just about as smoothly as something of that size possibly could. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. Him: I ignored it. What do you think of the trip? I mean seriously? Since its the church he was raised in, she feels like his judgement rules on that. The compromise? Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. I go on a vacation with my sisters, or go to my cousins house in PA. We enjoy the time apart. I cant imagine getting upset because he went on a business trip. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. ! Um, Im going to my cousins house. I would have zero concerns about my husband going to Vegas without me, and I know that he would have zero concerns about me going without him. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. But itseems like they want totake things slowly. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Im wondering if perhaps your husband doesnt have the life experience of travelling to big cities and realizing that all of them are much different than portrayed in the media? my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism.